Juan Fernández Oviedo - "Professor Particular" (1953)

INTRODUCTION

Juan Fernández Oviedo was an Argentine author who also published a translation of the Tao Te Ching in 1976. "Professor Particular" was published in the September 1953 (#4) issue of Más Allá (Beyond) and was illustrated by Salva. For further information on this era of Argentine science fiction, see Rachel Haywood Ferreira's "Más Allá, El Eternauta, and the Dawn of the Golden Age of Latin American Science Fiction (1953-59)", "How Latin America Saved the World and Other Forgotten Futures" and Carlos Abraham's "Las revistas argentinas de ciencia ficción".

For complete scans of Más Allá, including the illustrations, see: https://ahira.com.ar/revistas/mas-alla-de-la-ciencia-y-de-la-fantasia/

PROFESSOR PARTICULAR

The fat woman opened the door decorated with the words: "Private Employment Agency - General Manager", and entered the luxurious office. The manager stood up to greet her with an elegant bow of his well-dressed body, and with a recently manicured hand, indicated an auto-anatomical chair to her:

- "At your service, madam" - he said in English, with a slight Spanish accent.

- "I loathe to bother you, Manager, sir," the woman replied, looking at his handsome features with approbation. The chair, meanwhile, adjusted with difficulty to her obese back and adjacencies until it provided her with maximum comfort. "The employee who attended to me said she couldn't answer me and said I should talk to you. Is she a... robot?"

This last bit was added with a slight grimace of displeasure.

- "Indeed, madam; our entire sales staff is composed of class B robots. That is why a case out of the ordinary, such as yours, is no longer within the reach of their limited electrobrains."

- "But, what's so strange about my case?" the woman protested. "I'm only looking for a good Spanish teacher for my son, since my husband hopes to remain an ambassador to the Republic of South America for many years to come."

* * *

The manager ran his hand across his chin before answering.

- "It's that here, madam, you can learn a language in fifteen days..."

- "Really?" she interrupted. "No wonder that they say South America is such an advanced country! But that's not a problem, on the contrary..."

- "I haven't explained myself well. A South American can learn, for example, English in fifteen days because they've already had a lengthy education in general linguistics: semantics, philology, syntax; and that, together with a solid foundation in anthropology, history and epistemology, which makes learning much easier. Your son, on the other hand, is a special case..."

* * *

The ambassador's wife impassively endured this explanation, which sounded like Greek to her; but the allusion to her son's ignorance made her reply:

- "It shall be as you say. But one of your super-geniuses will be able to teach my son Spanish using the old methods, right? Especially with the salary I'm willing to pay."

- "It cannot be, madam, I'm terribly sorry! Did you not know that human servitude has been abolished for many years in South America? That's what robots are for! We need to construct a special robot for your son."

- "A robot?" - she repeated in the tone of someone who wouldn't tolerate any stupid jokes. - "And you want me to believe that a machine can teach my son Spanish?"

- "Why not, madam? The employee who attended you before is a robot, and you only noticed because you had been informed of such, assuredly. In South America, robots are manufactured for all kinds of service: maids, cooks, gardeners... You only notice that they're not human if you talk to them about issues outside their specialty, or..."

- "Or what?" - the woman asked.

- "Or if you see them when they're feeding," the manager replied reluctantly, blushing slightly.

- "Indeed? Why is that? How do robots feed themselves? It never occurred to me that they needed to."

- "They have to replenish the energy they expend working somehow, madam. Instead of a stomach, they have a small atomic engine that runs on iron 62. This iron comes in pills that the robots take by..."

- "...mouth?" - the woman automatically completed the sentence.

- "No, through the navel. It's a much shorter route, and likewise, a human's serves in this purpose before one's birth..."

The ambassador's wife stood up from her chair, virtuously indignant.

- "What audacity! Where have you ever heard of such things being discussed in front of a lady? You are no gentleman!"

- "No, madam" - the manager admitted.

She walked across the office, and sent off with another reprimand from the door.

- "And, by the way, don't you think that you've fooled me with this story about robot language teachers! You South Americans can think of nothing better than deceiving foreigners with your lies, but I know you well. As if a machine could converse intelligently with a human!"

And she left intending to slam the door, which was thwarted by the door stopper.

* * *

The manager philosophically shrugged his shoulders as he pulled a small pill out of a box marked "Fe 62."

- "She didn't give me time to explain what class A robots are like" - he muttered.

And unbuttoning his shirt around his navel, he inserted the pill, gently pushing it in with his little finger.